Thoughts on being “Good Enough”:
The fact is, I’m not.
Or at least, for multiple organizations on campus.
When I tried out for theater productions and got denied, I was okay with it because I’ve never done theater before. When I tried out for dance groups and got denied, I was okay with it because there were literal Broadway dancers auditioning next to me. When I tried out for slam poetry groups and got denied, I was okay with it because poetry is extremely subjective.
But when everything piles up, all these okay’s start to feel heavier and heavier.
See, Yale’s a pretty talented place. In fact, everywhere you turn, there’s a person doing something extraordinary playing it off as ordinary. I’m not unused to this–I saw this every day at OCSA. It’s inspiring, but it can also have the flip effect of making you feel Not Good Enough when every call you make home for the first three weeks are about rejections (thanks Mom and Dad for bearing with me!).
It’s not that I’m not used to rejections, however. I’ve faced a ridiculous amount of closed doors in journalism, from security guards to publicists to the stars themselves. It’s just that in journalism, I had came to expect rejection and therefore was able to be at peace with it.
Going into college, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do and thought I would have no problem doing it: something in theater, something in creative writing, something in dance, something in heritage/culture, something in tour guiding, and something in Christianity. So far, I’ve hit 1 out of 6 in the one type of organizations with no barred doors–you guessed it, a Christian group. I wasn’t expecting college to be filled with so much rejection within the first three weeks; that’s why I started doubting myself. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me, and the way I had been performing.
I started turning to God and asking him for peace and joy. I’ve held onto verses like Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Last week, my prayer request was that God would open all the right doors and close all the wrong ones. It took me awhile, but now I can’t see it any other way: it seems like my prayers have been answered, and I know it is only a matter of time before I find the right doors.
Speaking of which–I’ve found one: Christian Union has been a light in my life. It’s been a joy to get to know these fellow Christ-lovers, and to be able to join the worship team and socials team has been an incredible blessing. This is the first time in a long time I’ve been able to use my piano skills (3 years rusty!) for God, and I can’t wait to use my planning skills for His Glory as well.
College is definitely not what I expected, nor should it be. Just like there’s a joy in spontaneously trekking miles for one dollar smoothies or having unplanned late night talks with friends both new and old, there’s a joy in not knowing what I’ll be doing on a regular basis two weeks from now. The passion I have for the things I listed above isn’t going to die out just because I can’t do it in a certain space. I know my passion for storytelling can’t be contained and will somehow find its home on campus and in the world.
After all, Good Enough is subjective. But in God’s eyes, I am More than Good Enough, and that’s enough for me.
“I think people who are creative are the luckiest people on earth. I know that there are no shortcuts, but you must keep your faith in something Greater than You, and keep doing what you love. Do what you love, and you will find the way to get it out to the world.” — Judy Collins